Spring fever?!

For one, I'll say right now that I feel guilty writing this post.

Past couple of weeks I've felt a lot more tired and been sick way more than before. I know vomiting has been an issue since my head injury, and with my renal failure I tend to get sick during the night and sometimes during the day, but it's got a fair bit worse recently. I've been broody for a fair while now, to the point where I often sub-consciously rub my stomach until I suddenly become aware of it and remember there is no baby in it. I've also had more of a libido. L and I both came to the question as to whether I could be pregnant or not. It was crazy - I've not had periods for 5 years, and when we do get jiggy we use protection. But still, all these anomalies pointed to the possibility of pregnancy. Occasionally a low weight anorexic can conceive, even if she's not menstruating.

So last night I took a test. Negative. And it's blatently obvious it would've been, but my god was I gutted. It's crazy; I am no way strong enough to carry a baby. I hate the house/area we live in, so much so that we will move before we start a family as this is not a good place for kiddies. It's not a good time to have babies, what with the wedding next year and all. A baby now would be a bad thing...right? But my god am I upset about it. Which is why I feel guilty; my dear friend Dagny deserves to be a mum before I do. She's tried for so long now. I don't deserve to have a baby unplanned right now. SO why do I keep getting the test stick out of the bin in case a second line has appeared overnight?

Argghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! Someone give me a shake!

L did something so sweet after work last night. He took me to the lake on campus and had with him 2 wine glasses and a bottle of Appletise to drink as the sun went down. It was so romantic, so unexpected. I think he's making an effort, and I was very touched.